


Santa Claus is Coming (to Town)

by TheStrange_One



Series: 12 Days of Christmas [7]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Christmas, Impersonation, M/M, Mild Language, santa, sleigh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:13:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21853501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStrange_One/pseuds/TheStrange_One
Summary: On the seventh Day of Christmas, my True Love gave to me,A Santa replacement, a present failure, a postal run, a caroling, a blue snow, and a cute Spideypool story.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: 12 Days of Christmas [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1568926
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	Santa Claus is Coming (to Town)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lordavon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordavon/gifts).



> Okay, so I was looking up OTP prompts, and this one stuck out to me. "Shut up and put on the Santa suit." Sorry, but I'm running out of ideas and I've got five days left. (Ideas welcome. Can't say I'll use them, can't say I won't.)

Peter gnawed on his lip as he paced worriedly. The bells sewn to the edges of his elf costume chimed merrily with every step as a stark counterpoint to his mood. Where, this close to Christmas, was he going to find a Santa?

The whole thing was set up. Tony had all of the Avengers’ children, and all of the Stark Industries children and was waiting for Helper Elf Peter and Santa Claus to make an appearance to dole out the presents. The presents, that had been meticulously picked, wrapped, and tagged by Steve and Banner. The Tower had been decorated for every single winter holiday that any member of the staff celebrated from Christmas to Diwali. All that was needed was for Elf Peter and Santa to arrive.

Problem: Clint, the hero dragooned into playing Santa, had a “family emergency.” Not that Peter was any stranger to family emergencies, but he was highly suspicious of family emergencies that required a trip to the tropics in December. Or at all, really.

Not the point. Point was, Helper Elf Peter was without a Santa. The festivities just wouldn't have the same oomph to them if Elf Peter was the one handing out the presents. No, he had to have a Santa.

The window creaked open and Wade, in full Deadpool regalia, flopped to the floor gasping for breath. “Baby boy!” he said. “Petey-Pie! Save me!”

Peter turned and looked at the mercenary with a critical eye. He was in one piece, his suit was torn and ripped in places, ad there were bits of the suit that were charred. Despite the damage to the suit, Wade seemed to be in one piece.

One glorious, fortuitously timed piece. “Wade!” he burbled happily, chiming as he rushed towards the merc. “I’m so glad to see you!”

“I’m glad to see you too!” Peter couldn't see his face under the mask, but he imagined there was a smile there. “Why are you happy to see me? Is because I’m handsome? Because you’re lonely? Are we going to get down and dirty or is the author keeping this PG-13?”

“Strip!” Peter ordered as he pulled Deadpool to his feet.

“Oh, I see we’re going for that Mature tag—Petey-Pie, what the Hell?”

“Shut up and put on the Santa suit,” Peter said calmly as he tossed the suit towards Wade.

“Baby boy, I’m not one to kink shame, but I didn’t peg you for the sort to have the grandpa hots.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Santa canceled,” he explained.

“And?”

“And you’re the new Santa.” Peter gestured at Wade to hurry. “The sleigh will be here any minute.”

“Sleigh?”

Peter sighed, bells tingling with the movement. “Tony doesn’t half-ass Christmas,” he said wearily.

Wade was suddenly wearing the Santa suit, hat and beard included. He had also, somehow, gotten a pair of glasses to hide most of his face. Peter opened his mouth to say something before he was interrupted by jingling. “Oh, that must be the sleigh,” he muttered as he walked to the window.

“Pete!” Wade grabbed him and hauled him away from the window as a shadow flit across it. “What’s that?”

“I told you; it’s the sleigh.” Peter shook his head. “Come on,” he said as he grabbed one of Wade’s hands and towed him towards the window and (more importantly) the fire escape.

“Holy shit biscuits!” gushed Wade as he looked out the window.

The hovering sleigh was pulled by eight robotic reindeer that were also hovering. One of them snorted and pawed the air with a hoof as mist emitted from its mouth. In the back of the sleigh was a huge red and gold sack that was almost the same color red as the sleigh.

“Can I drive this fucker?” asked Wade as he hopped into the sleigh.

Peter climbed out the window and closed it behind him before hopping into the sleigh next to Wade just as a shield rose from the front of the sleigh and it began to move forwards. “Nope,” he said. “Preprogrammed.”

“That _sucks_.”

Peter smiled at the sheer sulking of his voice. “Yeah, but consider this; Santa was originally going to be Clint.”

“And where is he?” asked Wade, clearly puzzled.

“He had a family emergency,” Peter explained.

“Oh.”

“In _Hawaii_.”

“ _Oh._ ” A pause before he turned to Peter. “You know, Iron Douche Canoe isn’t going to like me crashing the party.”

Peter was still bitter about being dragged into the role of “helpful elf.” “You know,” he said with a touch of asperity, “he should have had an understudy for Santa. Now he’s just going to have to live with it.” The tall Tower came into view, the sides merrily decorated with solar-powered lights that Tony designed just for the season.  At the top of the Tower was a giant golden star that was easily the size of the top three floors.

Wade gave a low, appreciative whistle. “I thought  _I_ celebrated Christmas.”

“I’ll help if we survive this,” Peter said grimly as the sleigh took them to a window that opened for them (designed, of course, for the Iron Man suits).

“You seem very—not in the Christmas mood,” Wade noticed.

Peter didn’t have time to answer before the sleigh docked—and was promptly swarmed by an insane number of children. “Let Santa get his breath!” Peter ordered.

None of them listened. They were too excited, too hyper—and Peter was just willing to bet that Tony had been plying them with sugary sweets. He was going to have to do something to make the man understand how much Peter didn’t like this.

“Whoa-ho-ho!” called Wade as he stepped out of the sleigh—only to be mobbed. “Fucking Hellish shit biscuits!” he swore. “Time out!” he roared. The children ignored him as they began climbing on him.

Peter turned and grimly grabbed the bag of presents, grateful for his super strength as he hauled the bag out of the sleigh.  He hauled the bag over to Wade who magically disappeared from the pile of children to reappear beside Peter. “Presents, Santa,” chirped Peter in an overly cheerful voice as he plastered a fake smile to his face.

“Oh, I hope you enjoy giving me your present a lot more than this,” Wade commented as Peter handed him the first present. Wade saw the name. He gazed over the seething mass of children. “The fuck is this shit?” he demanded. “No way we’re giving this out one at a time. Children!” he said in a deep facsimile of his own voice. “New plan!” He grabbed the sack from Peter, grunted under the weight, and then managed to turn it over to spill the presents from the inside of it. More presents poured out than _should_ have fit in the sack, and Peter idly wondered if Tony had managed to create a pocket dimension of some sort.

“Wilson?” said billionaire demanded as he popped up next to Peter. “You brought Wilson?”

“Well,” Peter said reasonably, “Clint flaked. Family emergency.” He didn’t share the location of said emergency. “Wade’s good,” he said calmly.

“He’s not _my_ idea of a good Santa.”

“Then maybe you should have had a backup plan.”

Wade slung an arm around Peter’s shoulders. “Presents delivered. Let’s get back home and hump like bunnies.”

The nearest child gasped. “You can’t do that!” the child said.

“Oh? And why not?” asked Wade as Tony turned an interesting shade of red.

“Because Mrs. Claus will be angry!”

“How do you know she doesn’t like to watch?” asked Wade.

“Time for Santa to go!” announced Tony as he pushed Wade and Peter towards the sleigh. Most of the children were so busy digging through presents looking for their names that they merely waved.

Once they were back home Wade asked, “So, Baby boy, what are the chances we can play Santa and naughty elf?”

“Nonexistent,” Peter said flatly. “But,” he added as Wade drooped, “ _I’m_ planning to get naked and get in bed. _Wade Wilson_ is free to join me when he ditches his costume.”

Wade gave a low shudder that somehow shed the costume, leaving him clad in only boxers decorated with bells. “Race you!” he said with a grin before darting to the room.


End file.
